Prince, Well, Not so Charming
by Amber Tinted
Summary: Who gets the honor of marrying the Princess? Certainly not a pirate! Yoo hoo ho, looks like the Princess manage to get herself captured and she will not return to her home without a fight. What is a dog pirate to do but bring her along? InuKag
1. Oh, Princess!

Who gets the honor of marrying the Princess? Certainly not a pirate! Yoo hoo ho, looks like the Princess manage to get herself captured but much to the pirates' grief, she will not return to her home without a fight. Bleeding ears, what is a dog pirate to do but to bring her along? Inuyasha/Kagome

_**Prince, Well, Not So Charming**_

_**Chapter I: Princess Un-Plain**_

She rolled her eyes, panning her chair back, while she watched the argument unfold. It was going to be one of those nights, one of those slow, drawn out nights that seemed to last forever.

"_I love her."_ The boasting blonde haired clown yelled.

"No, I LOVE her." And her favorite, the one she liked to call the Dashing Knight. Jesus, where did all these morons come from and how in the hell did they manage to find her. Her castle wasn't even on the map and it's in the _sky _because she wouldn't be a suitable princess if her castle wasn't in the _sky_.

It wasn't something she wasn't used to. In fact, it was all she knew. All she knew was that men were _supposed to_ be fighting over her, men were supposed to be fawning over her and lying over her doing all this stuff for her. Since the day she came of age, which was three years ago, men done nothing but cause useless fights around the kingdom. Kagome let out a bored sigh, dripping her hand into the carpet while her arms hang loosely around the silk sofa.

"No, I will get to marry the most beautiful princess in all the land."

That's what they called her, 'the most beautiful princess in all the land.' She honestly didn't know what they saw in her. In her opinion, she thought all the men were blind. She saw herself in the mirror and not once have the phrase 'the most beautiful princess in all the land' entered her mind, in fact, if she had to think about herself, she wouldn't because she felt she was that plain looking.

Once she spoke her thoughts out loud, about not thinking she was so beautiful and all that stuff and these ridiculous men broke out into fights trying to prove to her _why_ she was so beautiful and the stupid thing about it was that they were fighting because they agreed with each other. She couldn't even comprehend what was the point of fighting over her when it only made her dislike them even more.

Her mother tried to warn her a long time back that when Kagome became at least the age of fifteen, men would slave to their deaths to have her hand upon their arm. If only she listened. Now her mother was forever in her 'grandmother' mood and insisted that Kagome get married soon. If men were going to fight over her like they were fighting over her now then she rather die.

"Your Highness, tell that blubbering fool that you love _me_ and want to marry _me_?"

"No, Your Highness, you tell him that you want to be with _me_ and only _me_ and you will come with _me_!"

She hated when they turned to her. It was always the part she dreaded most because that was when she usually called in one her most trusted servants to throw them out. It was a pity but it was for her own safety. Last time, some fool tried to carry her off and take her to his home land. Kagome began pondering, whatever happened to him anyway?

"Raidon!" Kagome called, while turning to the men, "I'll answer you in just one moment. Raidon! Somebody please get me Raidon!"

Within moments, Raidon, her personal bodyguard ran into the room, rushing to her side, standing tall and elegantly as if he did not belittle himself and ran. Kagome smiled at the young men before nodding her heads towards the men. The men looked anxiously at Kagome, each sending looks of pure smug hatred between each other. She really hated this part while her older sister Kikyou would die to have men wait on her and feed up her ego, Kagome would rather all the men would just disappear or just leave her the hell alone. The men looked so pathetic pleading over her-_her_ of all people.

"Well—"

"Well, umm," Kagome continued on as she sent a pleading look to her bodyguard, who just ignored her look and continued looking gravely at the young men, "Raidon, I know you're enjoying this!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Your Highness."

Kagome looked deadpan, "Oh, you do. You do. This is pathetic!" Kagome threw her hands up, "What's so great about me anyway? Why do you want to marry me? I am not the prettiest princess in the whole entire world, don't you know there _are_ other princesses, you know, other princesses who are smart, who are witty and beaut—"

"No, no, no, princess!" The blubbering blonde interrupted, "You _are_ the most beautiful princesses in all the land, world even! I searched the world to find someone as beautiful as thee but nobody, _nobody_ compares to your kindness, your elegant clumsiness--"

_Elegant clumsiness? Well that's a first._ Kagome thought nodded her head as if she was probed in thought.

"Your poise, your smile, your eyes, oh lord, if you would let me, I would drown in your eyes."

"Her smile, her eyes? You fool, you're missing the whole point of Kagome's beauty! Not only is she beautiful on the outside, she's beautiful on the inside! She's so kind—"

"I already said that!" The blonde snapped, pushing the dashing knight away, "Kagome, didn't you hear me? I said it first! Tell him I said it first."

"Tell him, I said it first."

"That's it!" Kagome snapped, "Get out and if you're wondering about my answer then I'd tell you when this castle topples from the damn sky!"

Raidon began pushing the men out before the blonde turned around, "So, that means soon right?"

"Get out." Kagome said lowly as the door slammed behind them.

Kagome flopped to her bed, closing her eyes, in painful disgust. She honestly thought they were different. They sure listened longer than the others have. Maybe they were getting better, Kagome thought before she heard a unique distinct wail, "_I Love you, Kagome!"_

Or maybe not.

_Not too far from the Kingdom, on the open sea _

Inuyasha was having an equally lousy day. No, he wasn't fending off knights from marrying him because frankly no princes wanted to marry a pirate… or a male. No, it was worse than that, he was suffering from a hangover. The worst he had, well, since yesterday morning, he think.

"Cap'n Slawgans, sir, um… we have a problem."

"Talk to me when I'm sober, laddie." Inuyasha replied, not even bothering to look up from the beer stained wooden table that his head was lying on.

"You're never sober, Cap'n."

"'Fuck you say?" His yellow eyes focused upon a looming black haired man, who instantly looked frightened and began quivering.

"I don't know what I said." The man spat out, "I'm not in my right mind. I say things that I don't mean. My momma's a bitch, see, I didn't mean that. I'm harmless and completely out of my mind."

"You better be." Inuyasha said suspiciously, slumping more comfortably onto the table, "Now, go, I need to get rest up and sober myself up. You know, last night, well last night was great."

"Wasn't it, Cap'n Slawgans? I threw it myself. I was quite proud of myself and everybody—"

"Shaddup! I didn't ask you to talk and to tell me about how you _feel_. Be a man and get the fuck out of my face."

The man yelped before disappearing behind one of the ship's many doors.

"Pussy." He muttered to himself, "Finally, some peace and fucking quiet."

Inuyasha shut his eyes, trying to spew up his dream of four lesbian twins trying to seduce him. A slopping grin appeared on his face once he imagined the faces of the four beautiful lesbians. Well they couldn't be lesbians if they wanted to seduce him. Hell, they could, Inuyasha thought, he was so damn irresistible that he turn lesbians straight.

"That good, huh?"

A fluffy ear perked up, twitching before flatting to Inuyasha's head, "Whadduya want, monk?"

"Our men are complaining about the lack of female entertainment."

"Well, get some female entertainment, piss off Miroku, I'm sleeping off Vodka shots okay."

"…Inuyasha, it's not that simple. You see, there is no female entertainment left on the ship. They were killed from the last raid."

Inuyasha blinked, "…SHIT!"

"I know." Miroku sighed, "They are getting pretty wind up, all refusing to continue on your never-ending quest to finding the Jewel and such unless you get them some entertainment."

Sigh, "Fine. We'll steer towards that one town. I heard they have some pretty ladies down there, especially in the Kingdom."

"…Oh yeah. Have you heard about the Princess? Supposedly she's a knockout."

"They say that about all princesses," Inuyasha grouched, "And usually, they aren't knockouts. They are hideous men clothed in women's clothing."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard—" _'I kno-' _Miroku continued on, "Men can't fit in women's clothing. It's just not done."

Inuyasha pondered that thought before sitting up, "Shudup!"


	2. Escape, Princess!

_**Chapter II: Escape, Princess!**_

"Cap'n Slawgans, sir, we have _another_ problem."

Inuyasha grown, lifting his head from the table. Where the hell was he? Inuyasha glanced around, seeing nothing but blue water and ugly men with beards.

"Where the fuck are we?" Inuyasha asked.

"Huh? Oh, Cap'n Slawgans, sir, we're umm… on the open sea because umm… you see, we're pirates, sir. And we slay and kill innocent people. We don't rape, at least, you don't, neither does Miroku because you see, he's a monk, but _we do_. At least I don't, I don't believe in violence… And we—"

"When I ask you for story time, you will give me story time, until then, shut your trap, puppy!" Inuyasha laid his head on his fingers, before looking over the young pirate again, who the hell was he? Inuyasha wasn't sure but he sure he seen that kid sometime in his life.

The kid was definitely not Miroku, not that other punky weasely guy or that scrawny guy, what the he—oh yeah, Hobo… Hoko… Hoso… something like that. He had sworn that his name was Hobo. It had to be, it was the only thing that fit. The man was really needy looking and only Hobos look needy like that. Slap his momma and call her Jen, his name had to be Hobo, he was sure of it.

"Sir," Hobo squeaked, "We still have a problem."

Five minutes later, a little black haired man running out of the way. "He's mad, he's mad, I'm telling you!" Hobo squeaked before Miroku looked quizzically at the berserk little man.

"Oh, he must've told him the news." Miroku smiled, tapping patiently on his fine ass Rolex that he just stolen.

"MIROKU!"

"And there's my cue." Miroku said to the onlookers, "You see, my little yuppies, wherever there is a problem, I am to fix it, hence me waiting patiently for—"

"MIROKU!"

"Later." Miroku tipped his hat, walking slowly towards the direction of the hanyou Captain, which was as always, on the table deck, slumped over the table, sobering up from last night's drinking feast, "You rang, oh, Cap'n Slawgans, sir?"

"What is it that that Hobo…"

"…**_Hojo_**." Miroku corrected.

"…said to me?"

"That…"

"I KNOW WHAT HE SAID, YOU MORRON! What do you mean that the only females that exist in that whole fucking kingdom place is the goddamn princesses and the princesses' hired help? Jesus CHRIST!"

"Please do not use the Lord's name in vain."

"Shut the hell up, you're a Buddhist, you don't believe in God!"

"Jesus is not God, Jesus is—"

"Shut up!" Inuyasha yelled, "I'm talking! Don't talk when I talk, how hard is that to understand?"

"Not—"

Inuyasha growled, "Are you trying to make me throw you off the fucking deck because I'm willing to do that if you want, Monk! All I want to know is why are we heading towards a kingdom where the only women are MAIDS AND PRINCESSES? Where are my sluts, whores, my _prostitutes_! You know, sensible women!"

"Obviously don't exist in that kingdom. Listen, it's the best we could do in a short notice. Be happy that we could find women at all. We either, raped, killed or sold them all. It's hard to find women nowadays."

"Whatever. Don't let this happen a-fucking-gain! Okay!" Inuyasha sighed, "Now where are we again?"

Miroku rolled his eyes before walking away, muttering something about drunk Captains and how only sober Captains show control the ship and not ones who are always drunk. Inuyasha shrugged, tapping on his head, now… where were they again?

"Get ready for an invasion!" Miroku called.

Wha? Since when? Man… maybe he really did need to lay off of all that Vodka.

"Operation: Take Good Looking, Slutty Looking Women, IF POSSIBLE…" He continued.

Oh God…

* * *

"KAGOME, Hiten is here…" Kikyou yelled,

"_Uh-gain."_

Kagome groaned, banging her head slightly against the desk that she was working at. She slightly smoothed back her hair, pasting a sweet smile upon her face. Did that kid understand the word '_no?'_

"KAGOME!"

"Shut up." Kagome muttered walking down the stairs, "Just because you're an old hag and haven't had any suitors in almost three years, doesn't mean you—HELLO Kikyou."

Kikyou grunted before making her way up the stairs. If Kagome didn't know her sister, she would think that Kikyou might be a tad bit jealous. Maybe Kikyou shouldn't have pissed off those _fairies…_

"My fair lady—Kagome…" Hiten made his way for Kagome's hand before she snatched it up, "Will you?"

"Get any closer and I swear to—"

"INVASION, INVASION, THERE IS AN INVASION! PROTECT THE CHILDREN, PROTECT THE—"

Kagome gave a deadpan look at Hiten, "Not again. Hiten, what's wrong with you? I told you once, I told you twice, I told you a thousand times, the answer is no. Why do you always try to kidnap me? Serious—"

"This isn't me, Kagome."

"Great." Kagome tapped her foot against the floor as Hiten dove underneath the nearest table, "Do anybody understand the word illegal anymore? God—"

* * *

"DAMMIT, all these women are ugly!" Inuyasha yelled, trying to tug off some manish looking maid off of him, "Stop touching me!"

"Where are the princesses?"

"I've seen one of them… She was absolutely **_hideous_**! My whole body is numb from shock and my eyes—_Jesus_, words cannot describe how much my eyes fucking _BURN!_" Mantan cried.

"Well, let's take what is at least somewhat decent looking and I guess we could put a paper bag over their faces when they entertain us." Miroku said thoughtfully.

"Right. I'm going ahead." Inuyasha said holding up his dinky Tetsusaiga, "Ugh, more ugly women. Don't touch me! I have a weapon, I don't know how to use it but I'm sure I could do some _serious _damage!"

"Oh Lord… At rate, these ugly whores are going to be _jumping_ on our goddamn ship." Kouga replied.

* * *

Why do these kinds of things happen to her once her parents left the castle? This was the second invasion this week. What's wrong with these people? All they do was kidnap her… the moment she says no and the moment she's alone, she gets kidnapped.

What the hell… seriously, she's the prettiest princess of all the land but goddamn, these princes needed to lower their damn standards because apparently she didn't want to be their queen. _Apparrennttly._

Kagome sat comfortably in a chair, crossing her ankles while watching her staff run out of the door.

She might as well wait; every time she runs she gets captured anyways and they get even more pissed when they have to run. Oh, imagine the audacity of not wanting to get capture and having to run after the captive. Imagine that.

"Who the hell are you?"

"What you're looking for." Kagome said sarcastically, "Hurry up and throw me over your shoulders and say '_you're going to be the queen of my castle, Princess Kagome'_ before you take off with me because you're time is limited, my parents always save me in less than three days."

"Huh?" The silver haired man asked, scratching his hair, "Who the fuck are you?"

"You don't know who I am?" Kagome questioned before throwing her head back to laugh, "Wow, this is amazing. So, you didn't come to take me away to your castle for we can make beautiful babies together? This—wow… I'm shocked. Okay, well, if you're just trying to steal my stuff, go ahead, it can easily be replaced. I am the princess, don't you know."

The silver haired man grabbed Kagome's arm before she could fully escape. He took one good look at her face before shrugging. What the hell was that supposed to mean? She was trying to be modest but, honestly, she was damn well offended! She was supposed to be the most beautiful woman of all the lands, even though she would like to concur, _in all the worlds, even_, shouldn't he be ecstatic that he had her? Every man was ecstatic to steal her at least once! And he was shrugging her off like—like—like… oh she didn't know what.

"I guess I'll take you." The man effortlessly threw her over his shoulder, "You're the best looking thing in the whole entire castle."

"Thanks. I think."

"Whatever, wench. Oh by the way, I don't like your voice, so don't talk, thanks."

"Who—"

"Sshh…"

Kagome shut her mouth, watching the ground as she was effortlessly being taken away from her castle. Once again. Kagome let out a sigh as she watched the wooden planks be stepped upon. Oh God, this never happened to her before, usually, they took her to their castle by horse…

"You're not a prince, are you?"

"Definitely not. I'll let you know I'm a—"

The man was interrupted as a squawky black haired man was underneath Kagome's eye sight. The man holding her dropped her on the floor, glaring at the man.

"What do you want, Hobo?"

"Cap'n Slawgans, sir, its Hojo, sir,"

"You are who I say you are, you fuck tart!" Captain Slawgans snapped.

"Sorry, Cap'n Slawgans, sir. Umm… I just wanted to report to you that the women entertainment raid was a mere success…. Sort of. Umm… we're probably going to have to go to another port or something and steal a few more because there's…" Captain Slawgans rolled his eyes before walking off, "…SIR!"

Hojo quickly ran after the Slawgans character, both disappearing around the corner. Kagome sighed, wincing as she stood up. What a mean old grouch. Kagome looked around, looking for a possible exit before they dock. Kagome peered over the deck, _wow that's a really long way to swim._

"Isn't this the fastest thing you've ever seen? We can leave ports faster than most ships this size."

Kagome groaned, rubbing her temples. _Now, they tell her_, Kagome thought, "Whatever."

_Why couldn't this sort of stuff happen to Kikyou, even though_, Kagome chuckled to herself, _Kikyou is extremely—well…_ She hoped that she could go home pretty soon. She sure missed being proposed to every five minutes…

_**I'm going to be honest. I was never going to update this story again. But then the first chapter made me laugh… and then I was like… UPDATE. It's a comedy, practically a parody, just making fun of fairytales and stuff. **_


	3. Gauh, Princess!

_**Chapter III: Gauh, Princess!**_

Impatiently, Miroku pushed opened the door, running directly into Sesshomaru, Inuyasha's elder brother. As usual there were a pack of women fawning over him since he was indeed "the great Lord of the West" and all. That's probably where all the women went… to Sesshomaru, the slimy bastard.

"Where's Inuyasha?"

"Do I look like his keeper?" Sesshomaru bit as Miroku rolled his eyes, preparing himself for the long, rehearsed speech from Lord Sesshomaru, "I am not his keeper! I am hardly his brother. He is some worthless half breed that was born between my horny father and his slutty mother. Inuyasha should be ecstatic that I decided to join his unworthy ass expedition to find that stupid jewel because without me—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, he wouldn't even be alive because he is the scum of all earth and completely weak and can barely wield a two pound sword and has yet to find out the true power of it, yeah I know."

"I never said that before, have I?"

"No?"

"Wow. That one was good, I like that. Ane," Sesshomaru snapped his fingers, "Put that in, Ane, all that Miroku said. I forget what it was, but I know it was brilliant."

"Sir, my name is Montana."

Sesshomaru clearly looked uninterested before turning to the young girl who was scribbling away, "Montana, did you say?"

"Yes." Montana brightened up, "Montana."

Miroku groaned, wondering if Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's father was as forgetful as both of his son. Seriously, the whole family was lacking the memory gene. They couldn't remember names if somebody told them over and over again and the only reason why they remembered his' was because he blessed them.

"Well, Montana, I don't like little whores correcting me, so therefore, I want you to go outside, and jump off the plank."

"No, sir! I'm sorry! I'll never do it again! Never! I love you! I love you, sir! I was born to serve you; you cannot make me jump off the cliff."

"I'm not making you." Sesshomaru said calmly, "But you _are_ going to do it."

"Sir…" Montana whined.

"Just jump off the fucking plank!" Miroku snapped, "Damn! How hard is it to jump off a fucking plank! You walk on it, you jump off it and tadah, you land on fucking water! Not ice, not snow but I'm sure snow would be more comfortable but still! You're like the biggest baby that ever served him and that's saying _a lot_! So just hurry up and jump off of it before I drown you in a cold bathtub and I'll make you _wish_ that you jumped off the plank because I'll drown you until your insides turned blue!"

Montana took one last look at Sesshomaru before fleeting. Miroku took one deep breath before calming himself down.

"Well, that was amusing." Sesshomaru stated slowly.

"What was?" Miroku asked, innocently.

"Nothing. It was just, shocking, since; it was totally against all Monk guidelines."

"I don't know what the hell you are talking about but you better drop it!" Miroku snapped before stomping out of the cabin.

Sesshomaru sighed, "That was totally out of character. If Inuyasha start acting like Miroku…"

* * *

Unfortunately for Sesshomaru, Inuyasha was acting very much like himself, an unintelligent brute and if this was a fairy tale, this brute would be Kagome's prince charming, you know, tall, blonde, not an alcoholic, the good stuff, fortunately for everybody including Kagome, this was not the typical fairy tale hence the Jack Daniel's in Inuyasha's hands.

"Inuyasha." Miroku did a mock bow before standing before Inuyasha, "We lost another one."

"Another what?"

Miroku grounded his teeth as he grunted, "Another one of Sesshomaru's 'servants'."

"Oh." Inuyasha shrugged taking another swing, "Well, that's sad; tell him I'll never help his ungrateful ass again."

Miroku peered over Inuyasha's shoulder seeing a beautiful girl sucker punching Hojo before storming off, "Who's that?"

"Some princess or another."

"Ohh…" Now this was the type of thing to brighten Miroku's day, "So, what are you going to do with her?"

"Nothing, you lecher."

"Come on. You're going to do _something_. _Heeeeeey_, I have a great idea, it may seem preposterous at first, but I think that you'll grow to like it. How about…"

"No."

"You haven't let me finish, my dear friend, Inuyasha. How about you let her…"

"_No_." Inuyasha said more firmly, "I'm not leaving her in a room with you even if it was filled with body guards up the ass. No, no, and no."

"Oh, please. Please, please, please!" Miroku yelled, jumping up and down.

"No. Besides, what if I want to use her?"

Miroku stared blankly at Inuyasha before laughing, "Yeah right. You're like… such not a man whore. You had sex with like _two women_."

"One." Inuyasha coughed.

"One? Maybe you're the one who should be the monk."

"_Maybe_." Inuyasha agreed, "But still, I want her, so therefore, you can't have her. So you're going to have to continue bothering Sango until she decides to give it up to you."

"You're right." With that Miroku ran off, "Sango!"

"Moron."

Inuyasha stood up, looking for the pesky brunette who once again was peering over the balcony, probably wondering how far she could swim before she drowned. Inuyasha smiled before strolling up to the princess, who looked more annoyed than scared.

"What do you want?"

"So, you're a princess, right?" Inuyasha smiled, "Yeah, well, I'm a pirate."

"_Ooh, wonderful_."

"Yeah, I kn— Hey are you being sarcastic?"

"Ugh. Somebody kill me." The girl moaned.

Inuyasha sighed, "That could easily be arranged."

"Captain Slawgans, right?" The girl said, "I heard of you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're like the drunkest pirate that could ever cross the ocean but is still the fiercest pirate too. Which to me is like oxymorons because how in the hell can you be fierce as well as a drunk?"

Inuyasha shrugged, "How am I supposed to know this is obviously a fairy tale, therefore, a lot of things that shouldn't happen, does."

"_Okay_." Princess said, "Okay, let's make this as less painful as we could possibly can and let's make some ground rules. First of all, no raping me, no kissing me unless I want to be kissed, no sex unless I want to be sexed, umm… no marriage. I'm not the martial type, I'm also a virgin, did I mention that so the 'unless I want to be sexed part' will never happen, ever. So, that's all. I am now your captive."

"That doesn't sound fair. What is in for me?"

"Nothing really."

"Okay." Inuyasha shrugged, "Well, I guess I'd make some ground rules for you, you're my servant, you do what I want when I want you to and you'd do it to my satisfaction. You're also my captive, which is also kind of like being a servant, so I will not let you go until I want you to go. Any objections, wench?"

"Yeah…"

"Too bad, don't care." Inuyasha said, walking off.

"Bastard." Kagome muttered.

"Oh by the way, I'm a dog demon, therefore, I have sensitive ears, and therefore, I can hear everything that you think you're muttering underneath your breath. So here's my advice to you, don't say it out loud!" Inuyasha yelled as he continued walking.

"B…wauhahhh!" Kagome growled, stomping her feet.

She could tell that this expedition wasn't going to be one that she enjoyed to be on but as long as it kept her from marriage than hey, she was all for it.

You should know when I first wrote this, I wasn't aiming for a comedy and still, I'm not. I'm just typing ridiculous stuff just because I can. And as you should know, once again, I updated.


	4. Oi, Princess!

_**Chapter IV: Oi, Princess!**_

"Stop looking at me!" She screeched, pushing herself farther away from the leering eyes of the sailors.

At the current moment, Kagome was sitting on top of very tall (and steady) bookcase, fingering a book, threatening to hit one of the men. Of course, she wouldn't actually hit somebody because if she didn't actually like the book she was reading and if she couldn't actually aim, she would but since she liked the book and had a good shot, she wouldn't.

She's been on the ship for almost three days, not once has she seen the very boorish, vulgar Captain anywhere in sight. Good, because if she saw him, she wouldn't know what she would do but all she knew that these emotions were not going to be contained, not anymore!

Besides, if she saw him, she would be able to request for a lock on the door and maybe a few bodyguards, preferably not male and not females with lesbian tendencies or fantasies.

"You're really pretty!"

"_Gauh!_" Kagome screamed, throwing the book at some fool at the right corner.

Score!

Damn. Kagome fingered her palm absentmindedly, she was at the part where Raul finds out that Victoria isn't really Victoria but her twin sister, Veronica. Oh well. Kagome smiled to herself, jumping down onto the floor being steady by those who were too afraid of Inuyasha to even dare to look at her and was cringing at the fact that they were touching her because they were so afraid. Good. Let them be afraid. Maybe she should drop this Inuyasha's name around some more.

Whoever this kid, Inuyasha, was. She just heard his name being dropped around while she was walking to the chamber pot and seeing the effects that name had gave her an idea. Well, actually, it just made her realize if she used his name a couple of times, those fools with lingering hands would stop touching her and it was an interesting enough name and as soon as she said his name… well, it was like magic.

Men scampered away from her and cowered in the corner while she walked out of the door, "As I said before, Inuyasha is gonna—"

"What am I going to do?"

There he was, the leering bastard, the Captain, Captain… Kagome pondered whatever his name was. It was so forgettable even though he was a very famous pirate. Anyway! There he was, leering at her again while that damn leer of his! It made her want to smack him in the—oh just kidding, that was what she was already doing. Her bad.

"What are you doing!" Captain Slawgans hollered.

"Sorry, in my mind, this part was handled differently." Kagome replied calmly, folding her arms around her chest.

"Oh and what happened?"

"You ran away, of course, but that's after you dropped me off at my castle. OH and scared all my "potential" suitors away."

"What!"

"Did I tell you that in my mind I'm also a pathological liar?"

A single silver eyebrow rose as he smirked, "No but I'm beginning to think the pathological thing is not just in your mind."

"Ye—hey wait!" Kagome exclaimed, "I am not crazy and you're not Inuyasha! I specifically said Inuyasha was gonna and you just appeared out of nowhere, flattering yourself thinking everybody is talking about you, well, I have news for you, we're not!"

"You're such a silly little girl." Inuyasha chuckled lightly, "I am Inuyasha."

"I never been the one to faint but you may want to hold me for a second."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to faint." And with that Kagome crumbled to the ground.

* * *

Damn snotty, snot nosed bitch! Fainting! On him! On him nonetheless. Nobody cared that she fainted, other than those perverted bastards who immediately rushed to her aid, asking him that if since she was dead and was it okay to rape her. What? How in the fuck did those morons get hired on his ship anyway… unless…

Nawh… He hasn't been drunk in three days and he could've sworn that he hasn't seen those faces before. Though, yesterday doesn't even count him being drunk, seriously. It was just three bottles of whiskey. Three was like water to him. But anyway, there he was, carrying her, the stupid snotty, snot nosed bitch to the nurse.

And he hated the nurse. Not because she was young and her name was Sango and she was kind of manly acting. No because that bitch was crazy and she was going to find someway to blame his psychotic ex for it even though they haven't seen Kikyou, his ex, in almost three years. She probably died.

Or was that her that jumped off the ship and most likely drowned?

No. That was Sesshomaru's maid. It was hard to keep up with women with psychotic tendencies nowadays.

"Inu! Set her gently down on the cot."

"I am." Inuyasha lowered his voice as he muttered something else.

"Now! And don't call me a bitch!"

"Oi! I didn't call you a bitch."

"You did too."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"ARRGH! Shut up!"

Inuyasha sharply turned to Kagome who was running her hands against her forehead. Obviously she wasn't dead. He knew what he was talking about. Duh. He was the captain; of course he knew what he was talking about. He didn't even know why he even doubted himself. Then again, he did know why.

"See, look what Kikyou did, that bitch probably came in spirit to haunt her. Damn you for making her fall in love you." Sango scowled before gently placing a cold towel on Kagome's forehead, "Poor girl, probably has a headache because of this selfish bore."

"Bore! Look who you're calling a bore, you whore!"

Sango gave him a steady look before proceeding to catering to Kagome. He hated being ignored. Hated it. It reminded him of when he was a kid and was ignored and called mean names. Oh well. He did get them all back though, when he became all big and strong, he beat everybody's asses, actually, he stole from them because he was too nice to kill them but beating their asses sounded so much better and less womanly like.

"You're such a jerk." Kagome replied.

"Jerk! Don't call me a jerk, you snot nosed, barely there princess!"

Kagome snorted, "That's all you got."

"I'm more intimating than insulting."

"That's true." Sango agreed.

"Look, I ain't got all day, I need to find the Shikon—"

"Shikon Jewel!" Kagome squealed, "You're looking for that, too?"

"Yeah. And you're--?"

"Actually, it was my brother looking for it and he set out on this never-ending journey. Never found it, too busy raiding people and sleeping with whores."

Now why did that sound so familiar? He probably just heard something of that nature passing through.

"Oh." Inuyasha said blankly.

"Yeah, but I could use it, you know, maybe wish for ugliness. Nawh, I'm too vain for that. I'll probably wish for all those desperate fools to disappear." Kagome smiled, "But this is so great! I can help you look for the jewels!"

"Help me?" Inuyasha snorted condescending, "How in the hell can you help me without attracting trouble? You're more trouble than your worth. My crew is willing to sell their treasures to me for you. You think I want you? I'm going to take you back."

Kagome's face fell. This was what she wanted but… she couldn't go back. Her parents were coming back and they said that if she didn't find a proper suitor within the time they came back, they were going to find one for her. And they wanted her to marry the weirdest guy. Some guy named Miroku, supposedly he was a Monk and she needed some heavenly guidance from him or something. Gauh. No way. No way, no how!

"You're not taking me back! Are you kidding me? I'm like an expert at finding jewels. I can find jewels from a mile away! I'm like the official jewel spotter."

"Even though you're a princess?" Inuyasha questioned suspiciously.

"Err… yes."

"Then you know that the jewel is broken up into a thousand pieces, eh?" Sango asked.

"Yes. Yes, of course. I know everything."

"And you will find me the jewel." Inuyasha raised an eyebrow again.

"Of course." Kagome smiled charmingly, "I'm an expert. This will be a piece of freaking cake."

Sweat rolled down her back as she continued to smile and lie. Never in her life did she have to lie to keep captured. And she wasn't a finders-keepers type of person. She got lost in the bathroom. She loses stuff that usually ends up being penned to her shirt! She doesn't know half of what she was s supposed to know about jewels. In fact, diddly shit.

She was so screwed.

_**Kagome doesn't know she can see the jewel. And I know Miroku is on the ship. You'll know more of his story later and how he was going to be engaged to Kagome. My hands hurt. See ya.**_


	5. Hey, Princess!

_**Chapter V: Hey, Princess**_

She was not at all a liar, which does not explain her lying _once again_, but in order to survive, she was willing to tell the biggest tale tell of her life. Survival of the fittest, baby, and that's all she's trying to do were to _survive. _Kagome smiled nicely as Sango was guiding her through the ship, it seemed as soon as she mentioned her special "talents" everybody was considerably nicer to her, including Inuyasha, if calling her an ungrateful slut was considered as nice.

But, all and all, everybody was just grateful for her, last night; she was awakened to great food and invited to a party. The nights before she admitted to her _talents_, everybody ignored her and threw food at her face and when it spilled all over the floor, they just laughed and said 'enjoy your meal, bitch'.

She was liking the way that they were treating her now, now, once they figured out that she was lying… well, she hope that they'll be kind enough to let her jump the plank.

"And this, _this_ is Inuyasha's room, nobody goes in there but Inuyasha, so don't."

"How did Inuyasha get this ship? It's beautiful and looks pretty costly too even my father doesn't have a ship like this and he's King!"

Sango looked around before flushing, "I haven't have the slightest—hey there's Hojo, looks like he's in need of assistance, I gotta go."

Sango whispered to Hojo before they both looked at her and then hurried off without even a wave goodbye. That's funny; it seemed that they may be hiding something from her, oh well, now where did Sango say where the kitchen's was, she was _starving._

* * *

Dumb fiery wench, she didn't even know royalty if it hit her in the goddamn head. So, what if he was an alcoholic, losing his treasures to a fucked up demon kind of does that to a person. Slawgans was just some name he adapted passing through, he realized that in order to gain all his treasures back he would just have to steal it back under the disguise of Captain Slawgans, a harden pirate. Oh, my he was so brilliant.

Okay, so a few people recognize him, big deal, it's not like anybody believed the person. They haven't seen Inuyasha and Sesshomaru in _years_, plus, Inuyasha never left the palace so a select few knew who he was and all he had to do is threatened them a few, throw a few coins at them and then knock them out.

It was quite simple, plus, he might not even return to being royalty, that's what gotten him into this mess and messing around with that slut Duchess Kikyou, well that definitely ruined him especially since she was messing around with some fucked up demon named Naraku. Well, he really didn't care, all he needed was the Shikon Jewel and he'll never be messed with again!

What a dumb plan especially since he had no idea were to begin. He had a map but honestly, when he was so use to everybody reading and doing everything for him he didn't even remember _how_ to read a map. But that girl—_be honest, Inuyasha, you know she's lying._ Yeah, so, it still gave him so hope, maybe she _could_ find the jewels and then—

Inuyasha took another swing of Jack Daniels as Miroku slipped in.

"Hello, Prince Charming."

"Oh good God, it's you, monk. What do you want?" Inuyasha poured himself a glass before sipping on it, "Are you going to bother me once again about returning home, to beg my father for some funds?"

"Actually, I was going to ask you about that offer with that princess."

Inuyasha raised a single eyebrow, "I already told you about that."

"And…"

"You know the answer, Miroku."

Miroku scoffed, "Ugh, I hate it when you get all dignified on me."

"Who the hell are you calling dignified!" Inuyasha yelled angrily.

"If the shoe fits!"

"The shoe doesn't fit because I don't have one on!"

"That's beside the point."

"Oh, is it, lecher?"

"Prince Charming." Miroku snarled.

"Pervert."

"How insulting." Miroku mocked.

Inuyasha smirked, "Wasn't trying, I was merely speaking the truth."

"Ugh, once again with all this proper talk. I thought after years of being a pirate that you'll lose that proper dialect."

"And I thought after years of being a pervert, you'll drop all act that you're holy."

"I am very holy. I got Buddha oh my side."

With that they both burst into laughter, patting each other on the backs while pouring some Whiskey that was sitting on the desk. As anybody could tell, Inuyasha loved to drink and what he loved more than drinking was—nothing actually. Inuyasha wiped the tears that sprung from his face from laughing so much and he slumped against his chair.

"I can't keep giving myself away." Inuyasha muttered, "I almost slipped yesterday when Hojo asked me if I preferred Jack Daniels or red wine, I almost said wine but only nobles like _wine._"

"You've been doing a pretty good job pretending that you're a filthy lawless pirate! Why, you almost had Sesshomaru fooled."

"Thank God that he hides in his room all day because if he didn't it would be so obvious." Inuyasha scratched his head, "I'm so fucking tired of drinking Jack Daniels all day, I hate Jack Daniels, and all I want is some Brandy but all there is fucking Whiskey, red wine and Jack Daniels. As soon as we find the Shikon Jewel—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you're going to destroy Naraku."

"I'm going to that after I have some Brandy and a massage from one of those nice girls at my Kingdom."

Miroku sighed leaning back, obviously daydreaming, "Oh yeah, those girls, man they were so beautiful. Why couldn't we bring one along with us?"

"Why do I even bother conversing with you?"

"Once—"

Inuyasha interrupted, "I swear—"

"Captain Slawgans?"

Miroku raised an eyebrow as Inuyasha slumped on the table, looking as drunk as he possibly can, "Who the hell is calling?"

The young princess peak her head in before waltzing in and closing the door, "I have a question."

"Whatever question you have can wait in the morning. I have a—headache."

"Who gives a damn about your damn headache? I have a question about that Shikon Jewel!"

"Ask away." Inuyasha slurred, Miroku stifled a chuckle before glancing at Inuyasha again, "Not like I can stop you."

"Excuse your lackeys, Captain Slawgans."

Inuyasha raised his head, dismissing Miroku with a wave. If he was thinking clearly, he would've noticed that that was not a pirate way to dismiss somebody but since nobody was noticing, it didn't bother him. He rolled his eyes as he offered a seat to Kagome while pouring a glass of Whiskey.

"Whiskey for the lady?"

"No, th—"

"I insist." Inuyasha interrupted, pouring her a glass, "Now, what is—"

"Are you feeling all right? You're talking differently—"

Inuyasha started choking taking a swing of the Whiskey. He had to stay on his toes and act brash, how could this be so fucking hard! "What the fuck are you talking about, bitch? I'm talking just fine; now, tell me what you want for I can continue sleeping off my hangover."

Perfect, he should be getting paid for how long he's been deceiving these fools. Kagome blinked before nodding, "I was wondering if you had any clue where the Shikon Jewel is."

"Of course not, you dumb twit!" He snapped.

"I do."

"You…"

"Yeah, I do." She mumbled, "Actually, I just have a hunch."

"Well, you know what they say about hunches."

"What do they say?" Kagome asked.

"I was asking you." He smirked, "Now when you seek out a harden pirate you should expect that I would want something from you."

"What do you want?"

He smiled coyly, "You look really beautiful tonight. If you want to leave with your virtue, I suggest you leave now."

With that Kagome scattered out of the room. Inuyasha laughed out loud, he really loved playing the bastard, he could act like a complete ass and nobody would fault for it.

"What the hell did you say to her? She ran out of there like a bat out of hell."

"Oh, I don't know but I have a feeling that these exchanges between the princess and I are going to be pretty interesting, plus, I think that's going to be the answer to all our problems."

He was such a bastard sometimes. Really, he was.

Miroku slipped in as Inuyasha smiled, "Find the nearest land and let's put this bitch to test."

_**Yeah, once again, I've been gone for a couple months. How shocking! Sorry, I should add more of an exchange between Inuyasha and Kagome but there will be soon especially in the next chapter. I'll try not to take another couple of months to update, I swear.**_


	6. Lie, Princess!

_**Chapter VI: Lie, Princess**_

So, there they were, in the middle of a fucking jungle. Now, if she wasn't completely scared out of her mind that somebody was going to find out that she was a complete fraud and drop her off at her castle in the sky then she would be completely scared out of her mind that she was in the middle of a goddamn jungle with a bunch of strange men that keep on leering at her.

"Stop leering at me!" She snapped as she covered her butt with her hands.

That earned her a couple of snickers as well as a couple of hoots and hollers. Men, seriously, she wasn't _that_ beautiful but she had to admit, the maids that they had _entertaining _them were hideous. Well, nobody came visiting her castle to see her maids, that's for sure.

Kagome hovered closely to Inuyasha who kept sneering at her as he moved on. He's probably tired of her, frankly, she was tired of herself too because everywhere she went there was a goddamn crowd and now that she "fessed" up that she can see jewels, they were all over her like sweat was to her body.

"You know, Kagome, we're just so—"

"If you touch me, I swear to god, you'd be wishing that I killed you."

Immediately, the pirate back down, looking sheepishly at his friends, mouthing 'I tried'. Yep, don't they all, that's why she was three steps away from going to Hell because she was tired of the idea of getting married, the idea of being somebody she didn't know or _love_ wife. It scared her shitless and once her mother mentioned that once her parents return from their vacation that they were going to marry her off to this monk who she heard was a complete lecher. In fact, her friends, well, servants because nobody wanted to be friends with somebody as beautiful as her, warned her about him and told her to not marry her. Actually, they just plainly told her to get the hell out and hope that her parents never found her.

So, that is why she was on the fast track to Hell because she couldn't bear thought of marrying a guy who only said 'I'm your stairway to heaven' because… Whatever. Who cares?

Kagome looked around, paranoid, hoping that nobody was going to spot a piece of Shikon Jewel unless she claimed that something got in her eyes… pirates aren't smart so it might work…

Immediately, Kagome's thoughts were interrupted by the darkening of the sky and the air getting cold and all that junk. Oh, God, this better not be the Shikon Jewel, Kagome thought as Kouga groaned inwardly.

"What's going on?" Kagome whispered as everybody started striking a fighting pose. Frankly, this was getting ridiculous.

"Naraku is coming. He always makes a fucking entrance." Kouga muttered.

"Oh." This would explain the heavy, deafening rain and lightening as Naraku landed… oh and that hideous purple outfit. Didn't this villain get the memo that green is all the rage?

"INUYASHA!" Naraku narrowing his eyes… and—noo, he couldn't be but was he pouting? _What the hell_! Villains don't pout! They just don't! This guy looked like he just finished watching Marc Jacobs fashion show and decided that the only way to be sexy and look evil was to pout, "I finally found you!"

Inuyasha sort of rolled his eyes before responding quite dryly, "Well, it's not my fault that you didn't show up for our scheduled fight."

"I thought it was today?" Naraku thundered.

"No." Inuyasha replied, "Check your schedule, it was definitely a month ago."

Naraku glanced at everybody before turning around, "Excuse me."

This was extremely strange even for Kagome who lived in a land where all people did was fawn over her. She furrowed her eyebrows as she watched Naraku flip through his planner. He groaned, rolling his eyes as he flipped it closed.

"Whatever! I found you now and we must truffle."

"What! Hell no, I'm just looking for the damn jewel, just disappear for a few, let me find the jewel and we can fight for a while, okay?"

"Umm… no, that's not how it goes, Inuyasha." Naraku said as everybody nodded in agreement.

"I know how it fucking goes! I'm Inuyasha, goddammit, I'm the protagonist, the show is named after me, and therefore, everything goes my way!"

"This is ridiculous! Can you guys just fight now and let us find the jewel?" Kagome yelled.

"NO!" Inuyasha snapped, "Because I'm supposed to find the damn jewel first and then Naraku, here, is supposed to pop up all offended and then we're supposed to fight because I'm the hero. Okay?"

Naraku looked defeated before sighing again, "All right, let him have his way before he starts crying like he did last time."

"What, bitch? Hell no, I did not cry! Eat shit! That was you crying when I laughed at you because you couldn't catch up with me!"

"You--…y-YOU eat shit! You… ugh, fuck you! I will find you next time. When do you want to meet again?"

"Obviously, not today." Inuyasha snapped.

"Okay, I'm writing down for the Monday after next."

"Hey, that's the New Moon! You can't cheat!"

"I'm the villain; I do what the hell I want. Ciao, ladies, and wow, they were right about that princess, she's gorgeous." And with that Naraku and his dancing fools were gone.

Kagome looked around at the pirates who were just shrugging as if what just happened was the norm. What the hell just happened and why in the hell does she feel like she's in the middle of a really badly written fairy tale. Villains don't have dancing goddamn lackeys and villains don't wear PURPLE.

Kagome muttered, "So… does this happen often?"

A sailor answered, "Often? Hah, like when Naraku finds him."

"So… do they ever fight?"

"No, not really, I'm pretty sure Naraku is afraid to fight Inuyasha, I mean, who wouldn't be?"

What was so frightening about a half demon who was usually staggering drunk? Kagome shrugged as she caught up with Inuyasha who was deep in thought. She had no clue why he was deep in thought because there was nothing to ponder about that little episode other than who in the hell decided that Naraku was smart enough to be a villain?

"So, I thought about it and I think you're a liar."

"Excuse me?" Kagome gasped, "I don't lie. Eat shit, you're a liar!"

Inuyasha perked up one eyebrow before sighing, "And what perhaps am I lying about?"

"I don't know, you're hiding something and I will find out how." Kagome threatened.

"Who cares, chances are that somebody from my crew is going to kidnap you and I'm never going to see you again."

Ugh, the story of her life. She fumed, she wasn't going to be called a liar by a damn drunk! She will…ohh… what was that shining?

"Hey, what's over there and what's the glowing thing in the middle of its heart?" Kagome asked, pointing at the massive squirrel coming towards them.

"An obviously possessed squirrel, seriously, are you that sheltered?" Inuyasha asked, flinging towards the squirrel.

"Well, apparently, I am!" Kagome yelled back.

Shit, not a good comeback. Oh well, not like he heard her. Kagome glanced at the others who were laughing and talking, some filing their nails, what did he use his crew for? They obviously couldn't fight and were obviously as dumb as nails. Couldn't they see there's danger?

"Yeah, I know." Miroku said, leaning against the tree, "They are completely useless."

"And why does he have you?"

"I'm his guide to heaven." Miroku said before talking to that Sango girl.

Now, where did she hear that from? She shrugged, probably passing through somewhere. She watched the scene unfold, switching legs and pondering and finally it was done with Inuyasha holding something between his fingers.

"Well, apparently, I owe you an apology."

What's that supposed to mean? And why did it surprise her that this drunken pirate can speak very proper English and sound like a prosperous lord while doing that.

_**Short chapter. Whoa, it's been… months. Apparently a year and couple month but it's only been 8 months. How's it be? What it do? Yeah, I'm crazy and this is probably the most ridiculous chapter I've written to date. Honestly, this doesn't really have a story line, it's just pure ridiculous fun i.e. Naraku pouting. **_

_**Also, Inuyasha will get better… I swear, he's just going through something… actually he's going through the loss of his kingdom, loss of his fiancée and all that jazz but he will become nice. I swear! You'll see.**_


End file.
